Wednesday, June 22, 2005

The Good Life

The life of a consultant is a good one. It's almost like being James Bond except that instead of a gun I have a Hewlett Packard financial calculator and instead of a tuxedo I have a pocket protector. But the life of a consultant lends itself, theoretically, to flying around the world and having sex with lots of Russian and/or Asian girls. Thus far I've mostly stayed in my cubicle and not had sex with anyone of European descent, but I'm sure my day will come. Today my boss half-assed brought up the possibility of a permanent job and I asked him if it came with any benefits like Russian girls, but he said we'd discuss it later. I think that means I'll have bargain with him.

Yesterday Snapple blew it's load all over the streets of Manhattan. This led to much hilarity and bicycles not being able to stay upright.

This weekend marks the beginning of a New York City tradition, Shakespeare in the Park, which sounds like it will be lot of fun. You also get the added bonus of being able to bring up something intelligent sounding in conversations. For example: If someone asks you what you did this weekend you could reply in a well-groomed Boston accent (which is important), "Well, I packed a lovely lunch and took my fiancé (the accent is also important) into the city (this makes it sound like you live in Connecticut) to see 'As You Like It,'" instead of saying "Dude Saturday I was watching SpikeTV and I totally ripped this huge fart on my girlfriend's face. It was wicked funny." So maybe you should think about going out and not ripping farts on your girlfriend's face (even though it would be wicked funny).

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah! got a 9.0 from Pitchfork. I'll let you decide for yourself, but I still think that overall the Triangle's got NYC beat bad.

Also remember that today is the anniversary of June 22nd, 2004, so I'll be celebrating with a traditional dinner of spicy shrimp pasta and Natural Light. Let the festivities begin!


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