Wednesday, November 09, 2005

I would never date anyone named Heather, Ashley, or Leanne. On the other hand, even if she were not as cute or intelligent as I hoped, I might date an Emily or an Elizabeth simply because of her name.

Last night The Wife heated up some leftover corn with dinner. I told her that there was no way I was eating it, because I didn't know how long it had been in the refridgerator. She insisted that I just made it Monday night, to which I responded that there was no way the offending corn was made on Monday. Monday night, I assured her, I made ham, squash and steamed broccoli. Even if I had made three vegatables (which would never happen), there is no way that I would make both corn and squash because they are both yellow. You cannot have more than two vegatables with dinner, and you can never have two vegatables that are the same color, or that may resemble the color of the meat served with said vegatables.

We went to a lounge a few avenues away a couple months ago, courting our to-be roommate. Having fallen back into another Big Lebowski kick, I was drinking White Russians. Our guest had one, too. About fifteen minutes into the drink I realized that something was wrong: The stirring straws in my White Russian were slightly different lengths. The straws were promptly removed from the drink and, to my surprise, our guest said that she too had been thinking about the fact that her straws were uneven for the past fifteen minutes. This made me a feel a little bit better, and we each switched one straw and continued the conversation.


Anonymous farmfresh said...

what are your feelings on having both carrots and sweet potatos in the same meal?

11:51 AM  
Blogger Ben Shepard said...

Too close. You need a green. What if you substituted peas and carrots for just carrots?

Cornbread, however, is permissable, but only because it's solid and contained. But make sure you put it beside the green thing on your plate.

9:07 AM  

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