Monday, March 27, 2006

It has recently become clear to me that once in a blue moon you can put a significant opportunity cost on a night of drinking. To wit:

Thursday night we spent the evening at a "wine and cheese" party. All was well until we stepped out of the taxicab and I was blind. "What is this nonsense, now," I thought to myself. "Just moments ago (before I fell asleep) I could see just fine. Ah, yes," I recalled, "I have myopia which requires the use of corrective lenses. Though I wear my glasses daily! Where, then, are they presently?" My intoxication made this internal dialogoue take a little longer than usual, and by the time I had reached the conclusion that my glasses remained in the taxicab, and that we stood on the sidewalk, he was gone into the night, and also that I had stepped in dog poo.

The following day I visited my opthamologist only to discover that insurance does not like you to get new glasses very often. In fact, I was informed that I cannot get a new pair until 2007. Fourteen months is a long time to wait to be to see, so I ordered contact lenses on the internet, which are much less expensive than a new pair of glasses. Unfortunately, this morning I received a call from my contact lens supplier in regards to the prescription that I ordered. Apparently insurance companies and opthamologists are conspiring against me, because not only can you only get new glasses every two years, but you also have to get a new contact lens prescription every once in awhile (and four years is a long time, if you ask an eye "doctor"). On the wide expanse of the internet, the same internet where you can purchase Viagra and Xanax from Canada, hallucinogenic mushroom spores from Arizona, mail-order brides from Thailand and tax-free cigarettes from upstate New York, I cannot purchase contact lenses. Contact lenses which, need I remind my astute readers, neither get me high, provide hours of entertainment and daily home cooked meals, nor screw the government out of money. In fact, I would be willing to conduct an experiment proving that almost anything -- guns, sex, drugs or a '69 Les Paul -- would be easier to obtain on the internet than a pair of freaking contact lenses.

I was informed that if my eye "doctor" is a lazy man and decides not to respond to the fax which he will be receiving momentarily, than the lenses will ship. If he, however, decides to be a jackass and inform the supplier that I have no prescription, I am, in the immortal words of some guy I went to high school with, "shit out of luck."

Here's hoping that he's not a complete jackass (or just really lazy).

Friday, March 24, 2006

Sometimes when you think you're done with everything -- probably the best woman you'll ever have in your life, a decent job and a ridiculous city -- and you think to yourself that maybe instead of getting off the train to go to work you'll just stay on until La Guardia and catch the first flight you can get to anywhere where it will actually feel like spring, all it takes to make you get off at your stop and go to work is the last half of that National album and it's mostly okay again.

P.S. Fuck you, Duke.

Monday, March 13, 2006

State is barely in at a 10 seed. I mean, they couldn't not let us in. But come on. There are teams (Cincy) that deserve to be in more than we do. I'm not taking them into the second round. I mean, if Herb can unleash the fucking beast and start pounding on tables like Knight and get these kids riled up a little, we might have a chance to get past California. But Texas? Uh-uh.

UNCW with the 9 seed. I'll take themn over George Washington. Down in the second round at the mighty hands of Duke.

'Zona and Wisc will be a good game. I'm not calling shit.

BC will probably end up playing Villanova in the Sweet 16. Haven't decided what happens there. But you gotta give some love to the ACC.

Our boys Bucknell are gonna show up against Memphis. What's with the hate this year? They are Bucknell for shit's sake. How can you not like 'em?

Gonzaga goes down quick. Hopefully to Indiana. But Marquette or UCLA will do it if they get past the second round. They are overrated and I'm sick of hearing that they are building a legacy. They did well four years ago or something. It was a fluke, not a foundation. Bucknell -- now that's the foundation of a legacy.

If any one would like to donate to the Starving Brooklynite Foundation you can Paypal me. Between this and Atlantic City in a month I'm going to be hurting. All proceeds will go towards corndogs, Ramen noodles and Parliment Lights.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

It has a pull like a magnet
suddenly the bar smells like Spring Break 2004
and they are playing country on the radio
and maybe you kind of wish that you weren't walking
down a street faced with brownstones
but a street faced with the backside of beach houses
because who would want a house facing the street
when you could have it face the Atlantic.

And then you're flying, seventy, windows open
down 40 towards a love that will last centuries
Just because you know that she's waiting for you.
But, truth be told, it's not just her
it's the road and the song.
And I guess if there's not a song playing
than you're just kind of doing it
because it's supposed to be done.

That kind of sucks, huh.