Friday, April 28, 2006

Friday, April 28th, 2006.
"Congress Struggles to Act on Gas Prices"
"Australian research shows mobile phones affect brain function"
"Rosie named new co-host of The View"

Maybe I'm just too jaded, but all I see when I read the news now is "Bullshit, bullshit bullshit, more stupid bullshit."

Is it more depressing that people believe this crap, or that I can't pick up a paper without cringing, or that some fucking scientist in Australia actually spent the last five years and God-knows how much money to discover that people get fucking distracted when they talk on a cell phone? No worries, though, "the study did not find that mobile phones caused a health problem." Everybody back to work.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Three very short stories about the morning paper:

1)
Yesterday I almost finished the New York Times crossword without cheating. I was missing one letter -- the clue was "Cartoon Possum," and the answer was PO_O. I have no idea what that letter is supposed to be, but I've definitely never seen a cartoon featuring a possum.

2)
This morning walking to work I passed a newspaper stand and noticed the cover: a full page picture of Bill Clinton with the headline in 72 font reading "Well Hung." I didn't pick up the paper, so I'm afraid I don't have any more details. Sorry ladies.

3)
There are two competing free newspapers in New York, A.M. New York and Metro. They are both about twenty pages, with little 200 word synopses of current events, with a focus on local news. They serve their purpose well: taking one's mind off of the morning commute for about fifteen minutes (or thirty, if you do the crossword). The interesting thing about these papers is that the publishers hire people to hand them out, instead of just leaving them in piles around the city. The people who they hire to entice you pick up a paper are a paradox of city life. Most appear to be on the verge of homelessness, and yet they seem to be more enthusiastic about handing out papers at seven in the morning than I am enthusiastic about getting Britney in the sack. I mean, these guys are excited! They really, really want to give you a paper!

This morning as I got out at Penn, there was one of these guys handing out papers on the corner. He was singing to the tune of My Girl, "I guess you'd say, what could make me feel this way?" But the source of his good cheer and singing was not "My Girl" at all, but in fact, "A.M. New York."

At 8:30 in the morning this guy was standing on the street corner singing about a newspaper.

I need to reevaluate my priorities.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

April 12, 2006 -- A California man was blinded in one eye at a Brooklyn [Bay Ridge] hotel after he got into a confrontation with two transvestites who passed him a bogus $100 bill, cops said yesterday.

Source: New York Post

Well, that's what you get for changing a $100 bill to two trannys in a hotel bar in backwater Brooklyn. This incident, by the way, following a sucessful HIT on some sixty year old around the corner from me who couldn't pay his Off Track Betting losses. In the middle of the day. On the main drag in Bay Ridge. Classic.

I keep getting my hopes up of tearing ass out of here for greener (or greyer, browner, as the case may be) pastures. The past month has felt like I've been running on a treadmill. A VP who left six months ago to open his own consulting firm offered me a position with him in Newark, but after playing phone tag for far too long, swearing that I wouldn't even take the job anyway because a) it's in Newark and b) he wouldn't call me back, and then recanting and playing more phone tag two weeks ago, I've finally let the poor idea die. No use beating a horse that got hit by a truck and set on fire.

Just about the time I give up on the Jersey job, HR at the hosiptal calls me to inform me that I won't be returning to work the next day. 3:30 in the afternoon! They just said "peace." My boss got pissed, nailed HR's balls to the wall, and told me that I was to report to work tomorrow, and that he'd take steps to put me in a salaried position ASAP. He is in the process of putting in paperwork ("I just need to get one more signature," today, "You'll be in here by the end of the year," six months ago) to take me on full time. So now instead of planning what kind of car to get and how big our house in Jersey should be, I'm trying desperately to determine if I will be able to afford move to Manhattan or Hoboken or Prospect Park on the smaller raise.

I guess it's like that line in Office Space where Tom, who gets hit by a car on his way to work, says that if you just keep plugging away at your job, good things can happen. Hopefully my good things will be a new apartment and not being hit by a car.

Friday, April 07, 2006

North Carolina State University Campus Police Blotter.

Report Number: 6329
Date /Time Occurred: 02/10/06 4:58 PM
Incident: Communicating Threats
Location: Talley Student Center
Narrative: There was a report of a male subject who threatened to blow up the building. Officers spoke with all parties involved, and determined that term the non student used was "blow up the spot", which is a figure of speech. The non student did not refer to any threat. The subject was asked to leave the area.
Disposition: Unfounded