Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Three very short stories about the morning paper:

1)
Yesterday I almost finished the New York Times crossword without cheating. I was missing one letter -- the clue was "Cartoon Possum," and the answer was PO_O. I have no idea what that letter is supposed to be, but I've definitely never seen a cartoon featuring a possum.

2)
This morning walking to work I passed a newspaper stand and noticed the cover: a full page picture of Bill Clinton with the headline in 72 font reading "Well Hung." I didn't pick up the paper, so I'm afraid I don't have any more details. Sorry ladies.

3)
There are two competing free newspapers in New York, A.M. New York and Metro. They are both about twenty pages, with little 200 word synopses of current events, with a focus on local news. They serve their purpose well: taking one's mind off of the morning commute for about fifteen minutes (or thirty, if you do the crossword). The interesting thing about these papers is that the publishers hire people to hand them out, instead of just leaving them in piles around the city. The people who they hire to entice you pick up a paper are a paradox of city life. Most appear to be on the verge of homelessness, and yet they seem to be more enthusiastic about handing out papers at seven in the morning than I am enthusiastic about getting Britney in the sack. I mean, these guys are excited! They really, really want to give you a paper!

This morning as I got out at Penn, there was one of these guys handing out papers on the corner. He was singing to the tune of My Girl, "I guess you'd say, what could make me feel this way?" But the source of his good cheer and singing was not "My Girl" at all, but in fact, "A.M. New York."

At 8:30 in the morning this guy was standing on the street corner singing about a newspaper.

I need to reevaluate my priorities.

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