Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Holy crap. Bat Out of Hell III is freaking fantastic.

I mean, there are one or two things that I am a little meh about, but like W., Our President®, we have to stand behind him one-hundred percent, through hell and back (did you see that?).

Given:
1) Meatloaf is, and will always, kick ass.
2) This album was birthed from the fiery loins of Meatloaf.

QED: This album kicks ass.

Plus it comes out on October 31st. I mean, shit. If there is one day when something is going to bust up through the crust of this mortal earth from the depths of hell, when do you think it's going to get here? Halloween! When the hell else would a motorcycle riding badass who sure as shit didn't love you, because he LOST EVERYTHING THAT MATTERED TO HIM YEARS AGO, come back to the land of the living to take his rightful spot on the Billboard Charts? HALLO-FREAKING-WEEN, dude. He's a little sadder this time, sometimes. He even kind of laments losing you for a minute on one or two songs. But even on those, he's probably not even talking about you. He's probably talking about the other girl, the one from "Two Outta Three." What, you didn't think he changed his mind, did you? Did you think that an immortal, bat-master biker just forgot that the love of his freaking life left him because she didn't love him? HELL NO. And then he's all like, "Wait a freaking second I have SKULLS and a MOTORCYCLE and BATS STRAIGHT FROM THE PITS OF HELL and a SWEET LEATHER JACKET and a PIANO THAT SHOOTS FIRE OUT OF THE BACK. I don't need no woman! Let's break stuff (hint: there is a whole song about breaking things)!" And then he totally rubs it in your little emo face at the end, with a song about making you cry. So suck on that.

Rock and roll was so much more awesome when it's main influences were blues and Satan and Elton John.

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